I haven’t wrote on my blog from my own words since my head injury occurred in Costa Rica on May 11/2011. It’s been really hard to sit down and write about it; to relive the trauma and darkness that followed. To just focus. For those who don’t know, a rock the size of my palm fell from a 30 foot waterfall and gashed open my head as I was sitting in the water on a rock talking to a girl I just met. The ironic thing is about 30 seconds before the rock landed on my head I moved over to help this girl up on the rock so she wouldn’t slip and hurt herself…

‘In a second your life can change in an instant’

...As my head jolted to the side hard and I screamed out loud. The girl next to me wide eyed, in shock, says in almost a whisper, “we need to get you out of here your bleeding.” We start swimming towards the shore. I can feel warm blood trickling down my face. My hand is on my head pulling chunks of rock out. I am disoriented and everything is in slow motion. Time is standing still. I am in shock. Is this really happening to me? Blood. So much blood. Never saw this much blood before. I thought I was watching an episode of Criminal Minds or Dexter. As we approach the shore people are starring but no one is getting a towel to compress my head. My towel is far away. A girl runs to get my towel. Another girl is pouring water on my head. Another is getting an antibacterial wipe and wiping my head but the blood soaks it up. My ear is clogged, full with blood. Finally a towel on my head and I press hard. Now people are helping me put my clothes on and shoes on. A German couple is asked by a guy I met at the waterfall to drive me to a hospital. We need to hike out of the waterfall and there is no path; it’s through a dried up creek. Walking with a towel on my head through a rock filled creek; longest walk of my life. I am in shock. Is this happening!? I want to wake up from this dream. Get to the car it starts pouring rain hard. Driving to the hospital on slippery roads and I start to fade. I just want to close my eyes and sleep. So peaceful now. 3 people start talking loud and calling my name. I am telling myself in my mind you need to stay awake Pam but another part of me is like its so peaceful now, I just want to go to sleep. I open my eyes as my name is being shouted at me. As we continue to drive I see a funeral taking place up ahead. Tears start pouring from my eyes and I am now freaking out and scared. Is this a sign, is death knocking on my door, showing its face? Eran is holding the towel on my head, he is holding my hand, he is smiling, he is so beautiful, he is telling me I will be ok but I need to stay awake. Someone died and a funeral is taking place. That could be me, I think. Hospital in Cobano, Costa Rica. About 20 people waiting for a doctor. I have no passport with me. No one speaks English. Eran is now speaking Spanish. He is arguing with the doctors and nurses; I want to go to sleep. Finally they rush me past everyone into a room. Eran is translating. I just want to collapse and surrender...

They are cleaning the wound. It burns and stings to the core of my soul. I see a needle the size of a turkey baster. I start to hyper ventilate. I feel like I am 5 years old running out of the class room at school where they give the shots. I hate needles and this one is huge.  OMG they are now freezing my head with this thing. My eyes are shut tight and I am squeezing Eran’s hand so hard. I finally open my eyes thinking it is all over and then, I see another needle with thread. OMG now they are stitching up my head!! I squeeze my eyes shut again whimpering like a small child. How can this be happening? Now I am angry, I am swearing. Fuck is my new favourite word. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you universe! How could I be having the best day and worst day all in the same few hours? Unbelievable… or is it? This is my life after all and it has been dramatic since my conception and birth...

Before this tragedy happened I was swimming with this guy I met, looking at rainbows behind the waterfall, having a picnic and listening to him play guitar. A blue morpho butterfly was fluttering around and yellow ones were playing together landing on me. Jasmine flowers (my favourite) were all around me, the scent so strong and so erotic. This amazing waterfall beside me was soothing my soul as we continuously jumped into the water from behind it. Then I decided to crawl onto another rock to take a break. I am thinking ‘life doesn’t get any better then this moment.” I am in another place in time. I am taking it all in with each breath. I am completely present. I am completely at peace… I am… startled from my thoughts as I move over and help a girl up beside me… BAM, the rock falls…

A week later I am back in Canada with a massive concussion, as well as a severe kidney problem. Yes, 4 days after the rock incident my left kidney started to shut down. Every joint in my body seized up. I could barely walk and was in so much pain with a bad fever. I have never, ever been so scared in my life. I couldn’t feel the bottom of my feet and my legs were tingling every where. I went to another Costa Rica hospital and this time had a huge needle stuck in my ass cheek to stop the pain in my joints instantly. Concussion. Head wound. About to have kidney failure. Put me out of my misery right now…. 

Trungpa Rinpoche once gave a public lecture titled "Death in Everyday Life." 
We are raised in a culture that fears death and hides it from us. Nevertheless, we experience it all the time. We experience it in the form of disappointment, in the form of things not working out. We experience it in the form of things always being in a process of change. When the day ends, when the second ends, when we breathe out, that's death in everyday life. Death in everyday life could also be defined as experiencing all the things that we don't want. Our marriage isn't working; our job isn't coming together. Having a relationship with death in everyday life means that we begin to be able to wait, to relax with insecurity, with panic, with embarrassment, with things not working out. Death & hopelessness provide proper motivation for living an insightful, compassionate life"

For the month of June and most of July I was pretty much on bed rest staying at a friends place. It was one of the darkest, loneliness times of my life and I have had many of those unfortunately.  I couldn’t do anything. My body was in pain. My head felt this horrible insane pressure. Migraine headaches. Dizziness. Especially when I got up to walk. Electrical zaps going off in my head. Mood swings. severe anxiety, anything loud going on around me was like a war zone going off in my head. Short term memory was fading in and out. Light hurt me. I was depressed, I was angry; I was scared I would never be the same. I stayed in the dark in my room. I couldn’t do yoga to heal. I couldn’t even focus to meditate. I could breathe though, but in all honestly I didn’t want to anymore. But alas, the stubborn Pamela, who just doesn’t give up, chose to consciously breathe a lot in those 2 months. More then I ever have. I would direct the breath to my pain and try and heal myself. I was also popping pain killers’ everyday. I now know how people get addicted. They just want the pain to go away… they just want to be able to sleep…

Its been 5 months since then and I am once again on a road to recovery. Finding some amazing therapists, support from friends and family, and finally getting back into my Hatha, Restorative and Yin practice regularly, have helped balance me out once again. All my injuries and hard work over the past 5 years since my car accident went crumbling down when the rock hit my head. It reset all those injuries and pain as well. 

I have had these near death encounters throughout my life. When I was two I went head first out a moving bronco into a gravel pit. As a teenager I had an outer body experience as a car I was in almost went over a cliff. Still have no idea how the car didn’t go over the cliff when all I saw was valley below as I watched from outside myself going over. In 2005 I was in a serious car accident that changed my life forever and took me down a path I had no intention of ever going. It ripped every aspect of my life apart; my health, my marriage, my self esteem, my weight, my purpose and meaning for living… I had finally come full circle since the 2005 car accident, when I was in Costa Rica for 3 months this year. I was feeling the best I had ever felt on every level. Then the falling rock… 

What is the moral of this story? Honestly, I have no idea. I am grateful to be almost back to "normal." That I don’t have serious long term head and brain trauma! I am grateful that I didn’t give up when I really, really wanted to. I am grateful that in my perseverance the flood gates opened and re-routed my life once again and I am in a really good place and grateful for everyday and every breath. I am grateful for the silence and comfort of peace in my heart and in my mind finally. My back injuries that I deal with on a regular basis are a reminder of how fragile we are. That in any moment it can be taken away. My injuries show me what true boundaries are; they show me compassion for others suffering in invisible silence. They show me what the true essence of yoga and healing are all about. They give me uncanny perception of others pain and grief on an emotional, physical and spiritual level. My injuries are why I teach yoga and give myself so completely to every student who is in front of me. My injuries are a gift and a curse… the yin and yang of my life. Where would I be without them I wonder? It doesn’t matter. This is here and this is now. It is all I have. The good days are really good. The bad days I surrender and rest and do what I need to get back to the good days. Life is about finding balance. About loving and acknowledging ourselves and others completely. About embracing the gift of life even if it is filling you with fear and you do not know where it is taking you. We are all going to die. That is a part of the great life cycle. To embrace that and be fully aware of that, can change your perception and wash over you an abundance of peace to just be, to just live, to just be in the now. It is truly all we have…

‘Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given. Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present’  from The Change Blog

Coming, here, gone:
Flowers in the Sky.
In the blink of one false eye,
In the blink of One True Eye,
Flowers in the empty sky;
Shimmering, scented ... gone,
Gone, gone, gone far beyond
Their seeds of arising.
But, staying, Here-Now,
A Great Marvel of Manifestation.
Bodhisvattas - for the bees.
Soil, sun, rain, sky ...
Four Elements embracing,
Intertwined in mind.
Unfathomable Matrix;
Scaffolds on scaffolds
Grounded in Otherness.
Below seeds, flowers, leaves,
stems, roots ...
Below wet cells embraced,
Below atoms dancing on Energy ...
Deeper and deeper below into
What? A Plenitude, sacredness.
Emptiness in full bloom.
Above seeds, flowers, leaves,
stems, roots ...
Above water, soil, air, sunlight ...
Above sensing, feeling, working, thinking ...
Higher and higher out towards
What? "Vast emptiness, nothing holy."
Flowers in the sky.

Master Dogen

“If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry  
on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children” 
Mahatma Gandhi‎

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, 
trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things 
and still be calm in your heart"  Unknown 

 "Let us cultivate love and compassion, both of which give life 
true meaning.  This is the religion I preach. It is simple. Its temple 
is the heart. Its teaching is love and compassion. Its moral values 
are loving and respecting others, whoever they may be. 
Whether one is a lay person  or a monastic, we have no other 
option  if we wish to survive in this world" Dalai Lama 

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, 
the world will know peace” Jimi Hendrix 

♥  International Day of Peace Sept 21  ♥

1. Change
“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”
“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.”

2. Control.
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”

3. Forgiveness
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”

4. Action.
“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”

5. The present moment.
“I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following.”

6. Everyone is human.
“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”
“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”

7. Persist.
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

8. Goodness.
“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”
“I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.”

9. Truth
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.”

10. Development.
“Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position.”
 

Cannot afford to do Yoga? Yes You Can! 

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No more excuses! Your body and mind will love you for it!
PASSPORT TO PRANA 

'Yoga is about clearing away whatever is in us 
that prevents our living in the most full and whole way. 
With yoga, we become aware of how and where we are restricted, 
in body, mind, and heart  and how 
gradually to open and release these blockages. 
As these blockages are cleared, our energy is freed. 
We start to feel more harmonious, 
more at one with ourselves. Our lives begin to flow 
or we begin to flow more in our lives' 

Cybele Tomlinson

Mantra For Life by the Dalai Lama

1. Take into account that great love and 
great achievements involve great risk. 

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. 

3. Follow the Three R’s: 
Respect for self, Respect for other’s, 
Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want 
is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. 

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. 

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, 
take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day. 

9. Open arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
 
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 

11. Live a good, honorable life. 
Then when you get older and think back, 
you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time. 

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, 
deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past. 

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality. 

15. Be gentle with the earth. 

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which 
your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. 

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. 

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is a beauty, admire it. 
Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. 
Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. 
Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. 
Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. 
Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. 
Life is luck, make it. Life is life, fight for it! 

Mother Teresa

MANTRA: Rama: Om Sri Rama Jaya Rama, Jaya, Jaya Rama
Translation: 'Om & Victory to Rama (the self within), victory, victory to Rama'

Rama was an Avatar who came several thousand years ago. 
His sole purpose was to show how a person should live a 
Divine Life while living in a human body. 

Mahatma Gandhi practiced this mantra for over 60 years. 
This mantra will 'take one across' the ocean of rebirth. 
In a more immediate way, it is most powerful in reducing negative 
karmic effects no matter in which life they might have occurred.

The Law of Least Effort: Nature's intelligence functions with effortless ease, with carefreeness, harmony, and love. And when we harness the forces of harmony, joy, and love, we create success and good fortune with effortless ease.

I will put the Law of Least Effort into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps: 

I will practice acceptance. Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur. I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. I will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment. My acceptance is total and complete. I accept things as they are this moment, not as I wish they were.

Having accepted things as they are, I will take responsibility for my situation and for all those events I see as problems. I know that taking responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for my situation (and this includes myself.) I also know that every problem is an opportunity in disguise, and this alertness to opportunities allows me to take this moment and transform it into a greater benefit.

Today my awareness will remain established in Defenselessness. I will relinquish the need to defend my point of view. I will feel no need to defend my point of view. I will feel no need to convince or persuade others to accept my point of view. I will remain open to all points of view and not be rigidly attached to any one of them. 

From The Chopra Center daily inspiration...
Picture: Hiking in Gibsons BC, Sunshine Coast

The Law of Karma: Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind. What we sow is what we reap. And when we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our karma is happiness and success. 

I will put the Law of Karma into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps: Today I will witness the choices I make in each moment. And in the mere witnessing of these choices, I will bring them to my conscious awareness. I will know that the best way to prepare for any moment in the future is to be fully conscious in the present. 

Whenever I make a choice, I will ask myself two questions: "What are the consequences of this choice that I'm making?" and "Will this choice bring fulfillment and happiness to me and also to those who are affected by this choice?" 

I will then ask my heart for guidance and be guided by its message of comfort or discomfort. If the choice feels comfortable, I will plunge ahead with abandon. If the choice feels uncomfortable, I will pause and see the consequences of my action with my inner vision. This guidance will enable me to make spontaneously correct choices for myself and for all those around me. 

From The Chopra Center daily inspiration...
Picture by Joy Nalywaiko in Hawaii

The Law of Giving and Receiving: The universe operates through dynamic exchange – giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And in our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives. 

I will put the Law of Giving into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps:

Wherever I go, and whoever I encounter, I will bring them a gift. The gift may be a compliment, a flower, or a prayer. Today, I will give something to everyone I come into contact with, and so I will begin the process of circulating joy, wealth and affluence in my life and in the lives of others

Today I will gratefully receive all the gifts that life has to offer me. I will receive the gifts of nature: sunlight and the sound of birds singing, or spring showers or the first snow of winter. I will also be open to receiving from others, whether it be in the form of a material gift, money, a compliment or a prayer.

I will make a commitment to keep wealth circulating in my life by giving and receiving life's most precious gifts: the gifts of caring, affection, appreciation and love. Each time I meet someone, I will silently wish them happiness, joy and laughter.

From The Chopra Center daily inspiration...

Law of Pure Potentiality: The source of all creation is pure consciousness. Pure potentiality seeking expression from the unmanifest to the manifest. And when we realize that our true Self is one of pure potentiality, we align with the power that manifests everything in nature.

I will put the Law of Pure Potentiality into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps:  

I will get in touch with the field of pure potentiality by taking time each day to be silent, to just Be. I will also sit alone in silent meditation at least twice a day for approximately thirty minutes in the morning and thirty minutes in the evening.

I will take time each day to commune with nature and to silently witness the intelligence within every living thing. I will sit silently and watch a sunset, or listen to the sound of the ocean or a stream, or simply smell the scent of a flower. In the ecstasy of my own silence, and by communing with nature, I will enjoy the life throb of ages, the field of pure potentiality and unbounded creativity. 

I will practice non-judgment. I will begin my day with the statement, "Today, I shall judge nothing that occurs", and throughout the day I will remind myself not to judge. 

From The Chopra Center daily inspiration...